He’s going to try and make conversation. It occurs to me that he’s been trying to do that sporadically for the past few days, now, only because I’m letting myself be aware of it. And I’m wary. Don’t know why, I just am.
“I like it fine. I’ve lived here before, in Long Beach.”
“Yeah? When?”
“A long time ago. I was a little girl.” I take a mouthful of food. Tish is being uncommonly quiet, and I look at her and find her looking at me.
“Well, it couldn’t have been that long ago then,” he says.
I have to chew on the inside of my mouth to not laugh at him. He’s trying to be a flirt, I caught the subtle compliment, and I find that hysterically funny. He knows how old I am, he’s had to have seen my tax information that I needed to fill out. Then I recall that Juliette took care of all of that. Still, I don’t take him seriously, I can’t.
“More than twenty years ago,” I offer. “I didn’t like Long Beach too much, but later on we moved to San Diego, and I thought it was the prettiest place I’d ever seen.” I look out to the ocean, where the sun is dipping down and bathing everything in gold. “This is running neck and neck with there, though,” I admit. It is, it’s lovely here in Malibu.
“When did you move?” he asks.
“When didn’t I. We moved all the time, my father was in the military.” He has no comment about that, and I’m glad because I’m not really in the mood to go on and on about my past. Then my darling daughter decides to make a contribution to the conversation.
“Mom lived all over the world. She lived in Germany, Sweden, everywhere.”
“No kidding, man, I’ve been to all those places. You must love to travel.”
“I hate it.” Why lie? I hate traveling, and I’m not real keen on talking about it, either.
“Then that must have sucked,” he says. And maybe it’s the way he said it, or his tone of voice, or even the awkwardness of the situation; we all fall apart laughing.
This one moment, and the ice is broken. It’s one of those ‘moments’, too, that singular moment when you know something is changed and that it’s good. Good in what way I’m not sure, but it’s good. A bubble’s been burst, the pressure’s been let out, and all with a great big laugh. He doesn’t seem as remote to me, and I probably don’t seem that way to him, now, too. In fact, I didn’t really understand how thick that ‘ice’ that’s been broken was, but it doesn’t matter now.
We finish our meal with a lot of light conversation about the area, the beaches below us, the beauty of the sunset. Tish helps me clear the table by taking our dishes down to the pool house and putting them in the dishwasher, while I clear away the debris that A.J.’s left behind. And while I refuse his help with anything in the kitchen, he insists on pouring us some coffee, and keeping me company while I put away the leftovers.
“So you like, you made this whole meal twice?” he says.
“No, I just cooked two chickens and borrowed some room in your oven,” I tell him as I rinse his plate and silver. There’s enough used dishes to warrant a running of the machine tonight.
“You know that you can just use this kitchen if you want. If you were living here,” and he gestures to the door where the ‘servant’s quarters’ are, “you’d be doin’ that anyway.”
“Thank you, I’ll keep it in mind,” I tell him. What I don’t tell him is that yes, I will do that because it’s easier for me to make one big meal and split it three ways, that it will be more economical for everyone that way. Or that I also like knowing that I have my own private space to live in where my and Tish’s lives don’t have to interact with his.
“It’s a big kitchen,” he muses. I say nothing. It IS a big kitchen. It’s a big house. He parrots my thought. “It’s a big house.”
“It certainly is.”
“I don’t mind if you, you know, want to move up here, or use those rooms, or anything. They’re empty and...”
“I’m using them,” I tell him. I’m done with my kitchen chores but for building the coffee pot for the morning, which I may not do because he seems to be enjoying it tonight. “I’m using them for sorting.”
“Sorting?”
“I thought, since the rooms are getting a good cleaning, that I would put any items that seem, not useful, or not in good shape, I put them back there and when you have the time, you can go through them. I’ve been piling up this and that. There’s not a lot there, I thought I’d wait until there was a lot of things before having you pick through. I don’t know, you’ll probably want all of it, but just to get it out of the way.”
“Oh.” He looks perplexed. This is not a man who throws things out, he is a man who accumulates. I knew that once I saw the inside of his closet.
“There’s nothing getting tossed out, don’t worry.”
“I’m not,” he says, and he smiles. It’s maybe the most relaxed smile I’ve ever seen on his face. “Juliette’s comin’ by tomorrow, so I’ll be around most of the day,” he tells me.
“All right. I have a few things to do out of the house, but the cleaning people will be back to work on the den and the room with the pool table in it. The gardener’s coming. And I’d like to see her when she comes, I have some receipts for her.”
“She’ll be by in the morning.”
“Should I have lunch for you then?”
“Hell, yeah, I guess, we usually go out.”
“Whichever you prefer, you can let me know.” I look at my watch. It’s well past the time that I’m usually done, and I want to spend some time with Tish, who I hear outside in the pool. The dogs have been let out, too, and need to come in. I want to turn the bed down upstairs, and make sure that all the dirty laundry is up off the floor. “Excuse me, but I have a few things to do before calling it a day,” I say.
“Sure.”
So I go about my business putting fresh water in the dog bowls, laying down the clean blankets for them, and making sure there are toys handy for them. I slip into the pantry and get the candy for his pillow. He didn’t mention them, but I saw that he definitely ate them, so why not. Upstairs I’m a little surprised to find no pile of discarded clothes, no wet towels; just a lone washcloth on the floor of the shower. I toss is down the chute, turn the bed down, and set out the candies: one, two, three.
My day is over, and I won’t be thinking about Mr. M for at least twelve hours. Maybe more.
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
I think that turned out okay. At least now I can sit in the yard with a drink and a smoke and not feel as if they’re watching me, or avoiding me. Tish is in the pool, horsing around by herself, and the dogs, they’re quiet for once, just sitting around on the patio near me. Tank is laying on my foot, and I’m rubbing his back with my other one.
Tank is a good boy, really. They all are, him and Daisy and Byrd. They’re just a handful and, and I don’t want to have to do all the training and everything with them. That’s almost the truth. I really don’t want to have to do ANY of the training, I just like them when they’re like this, calm and keeping me company. Tank turns his head and looks up at me as if he knows I’m thinkin’ about him.
“Good boy, good dog,” I tell him, and he settles back down. Daisy gets up and puts her head on my knee for a minute before laying down beside Tank. Byrd isn’t far behind, and the next thing I know I’m surrounded by dogs.
“I take it you don’t want me to put the dogs in the house,” Shi says as she comes out of the kitchen.
“No. I’ll bring ‘em in,” I tell her. We’re all comfortable here right now, and I don’t want to ruin it. Moments like this can get ruined so easy.
“Fine. See you in the morning, then,” she tells me, and she walks down the winding steps to the lower garden and the pool. I watch her go, watch her go down and pick up a towel from a lawn chair. She always seems to know what she’s doing, ya know? The kind of person who never goes in a circle, or seems confused about anything, she just does things and they get done. She holds the towel wide and Tish, without saying anything, gets out of the pool and lets Shi wrap her up and dry her off.
That’s a nice moment, too. They say something to each other and laugh and Shi hugs Tish and they move off into the house. I sort of wish they had stayed out here. It’s not late, not really, and it’s not dark yet or anything. I don’t care if Tish wants to play in the pool, someone might as well use it. And I don’t care if Shi wants to use it, either, or if they want to be in the yard, or, or use the kitchen, I don’t care about that. I mean, I like having them here. I wasn’t sure until today, tonight, but once we all broke up laughing at the table it felt like everything was cool, ya know? That this was fine.
And Shi, she’s really taking good care of the place. Like she cares about it. The living room, man, that blew me away. I knew she was going to make sure that everything got cleaned, and I know, I know, it needed it bad, I really let everything just go. But I didn’t know she was going to make it, like, nice.
Makes me wonder what she’s gonna do next.
Man, I hope there’s candy on the pillows tonight.
I need a hug.
Daisy puts her snout in my hand. I didn’t even notice that she’d moved. It’s getting a little chilly out, the wind is picking up off the ocean. Funny how it cools everything off out here at night. Maybe not in the summer though, it's not hot like that yet. But right now it’s great, it feels good. Daisy feels good. Tank, Jesus, he’s farting on my foot, even that feels all right. He’s an ugly thing, but I love him.
“Time to go in, guys,” I say to them, but I make no move to go, and they don’t move, either. “Okay, not yet,” I say out loud. I light myself another cigarette and watch the ocean, and the sky, the bit of traffic I can see from here, which ain’t much, and the lights in the pool house, as they go off and on, as Tish and Shi move from room to room.
I think I can hear them laughing.
God. I want to laugh, too.
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
© 2003 Chandrah, Inc.
© 2003 (*> Baby Bird Productions, Inc.
