And what I have to do today.
I throw on some old jeans and a T-shirt, a pair of heavy hiking boots that I rarely use, run a comb through my hair, brush my teeth and splash water on my face. I’ll shower later.
The first thing I notice on entering the kitchen is that music is playing in the house. The second thing is the smell of coffee, making me salivate. The third thing is Alex sitting at the table, bandaged foot propped up on a chair, leafing through a magazine. He looks up and grins. Grins. I don’t think I’ve seen a grin on him, ever.
“You can run pretty damn fast in those,” he says, pointing to my boots. “Goin’ on a hike?”
“You’re okay?”
“I’m cool. I mean, as cool as it gets without bein’ able to walk much.”
“You want some coffee?”
“I got some. Have some yourself. And why are you here anyway, it’s Saturday.”
“Half day. I overslept. Is Juliette here...”
“Nah, she called though. I told her not to bother.”
“But you’re okay?” I can’t believe that he got himself up and around. That he poured his own coffee. That he’s sitting up.
“Yeah. Sit down, damnit. This isn’t the first time I’ve been sidelined.”
“You want some breakfast?”
“I want you to sit down.” He’s laughing now. I’m living in some bizarre, parallel universe and he’s laughing.
I’m panting. It’s been a long time since I ran anywhere, much less up hill in boots. So I take a minute pouring myself a cup of coffee, check the clock, and see that it’s not that late, it’s only just after nine. When I sit down, Alex slides his cigarettes over to me.
“Chill,” he says.
“How does your foot feel?”
“Like shit. Hurts like an S. O. B.”
“Did you take anything?”
“Some Advil, some shit like that.” He sucks on his own smoke.
For someone in pain he seems uncommonly happy. I’m suspicious. That’s because I’m a parent. Or maybe the fact that I’m suspicious by nature.
“You seem, you don’t seem to be doing too badly.”
“Crutches helped. This kinda thing has happened before.”
I’m thinking, great, more fun visits and broken furniture to look forward to. But my heart’s no longer pounding in my chest, and the air conditioned air is cooling off my heated skin. I’m going to have this cigarette, finish this coffee, and clean up the living room. Somewhere between that I’m going to shower and pick up Tish. She’s not going to like that, she wanted to bring Kim over for a swim, but I’m going to have to take the Jeep to get cleaned and they can’t be here by themselves, hell, I never even got to the part where I ask if it’s okay. The whole night is beginning to come back to me. I have to see if I can get the blood out of my clothes. I look at the man sitting at the table. Our clothes.
My cell phone is ringing. It’s making a tiny noise because it’s stuffed in my bag. I get up and get it, I know that it’s Tish, she’s the only one with the number to that phone.
“Can you come get us around noon?” she asks.
“We’re going to have to cancel, Tish. I’ve got to work today, I...” All at once I have Tish moaning in my ear and Alex calling to me from across the room.
“HOLD UP!” he shouts.
“Hold on, Tish.” I don’t wait for her to answer me, I just plaster the phone to my leg so I don’t have to listen to her. “What?” I ask, my tone exasperated and not caring that it is.
“Go do whatever. You don’t need to work today.”
“The living room? The Jeep?”
“Fuck that. Juliette’s gonna get someone over here to haul that shit outta the living room. You can’t screw with that glass, it’s all over the goddamn place. And the rug is gonna haveta, you know, that’s a mess. I don’t think you can get that cleaned by yourself. And she can take the Jeep to have it detailed, too. You did enough, okay?”
“It’s my JOB,” I hissed at him.
“And I’m your BOSS, why are you arguing with me?”
Good question. Possibly the most intelligent question the boy’s ever asked me.
“Okay. All right.” I take a breath and get back on the phone. Tish has been complaining nonstop to my thigh. “Tish, never mind. I take it back. I’ll come for you at noon, and Kim, too. I don’t know about the pool, how about the beach?”
“YOU CAN USE THE GODDAMN POOL!”
“We can use the pool,” I murmur, because Tish is now laughing, supremely happy that she’s, one, getting her way, and two, hearing someone swear. She’s at that age. Swears and sex are the big giggles.
“Mom, Kim’s mom said she’ll drop us off.”
“Fine.” Fine. Fine. Everything is just fine.
“See ya later,” she says, and hangs up. I disconnect and toss the phone back into my purse.
“Look, ya don’t have to keep askin’ me about using the pool, use the pool. It’s there, use it,” Alex begins. “And if it makes you feel, I dunno, like you’re doin’ something, I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast.” Another grin. “And I don’t give a shit what it is, a bowl of cereal is fine.”
So I take out the frying pan and make him French toast because, one, it’s easy, two, he likes it the most, and three, I think I’m losing my mind.
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I feel so good this morning I can’t stop smiling. God knows why, I fell asleep in a piss poor mood. Angry. Hurting, my foot, it’s like it’s got a life of it’s own and it’s own heartbeat to go with it. And I didn’t even sleep that much, or that well, I kept wakin’ up to the TV. But every time I woke up I got to thinkin’ that maybe, you know, maybe last night wasn’t so bad.
I mean, I kinda know where I stand now. That was a shitass thing for Roxanne to do, for her to, you know, basically make up some shit to get Sarah all bent outta shape with me, but that DID get her over here and man, it was like she was waitin’ for an excuse to be pissed off. And it’s a crap thing for her to take the dogs on me. That’s not right and I’m gonna straighten that out as soon as I can walk regular. But everything seems so clear.
I meant everything I said last night. Well, maybe that ‘cunt’ remark was outta line. That was off the wall. But about her gettin’ her own stuff. She wants it, she can have it, but I’m not spending a minute on packing it up, or a dime on moving it over to her place.
And I don’t want to talk to her anymore. Not for a while. ‘Cause she didn’t come over here last night to talk to me, or to get her stuff, even, she came over here because Roxanne put a bug up her ass about Siobhan. She didn’t care about me, probably as much as she thinks I don’t care about her. She cared about if I was fuckin’ someone else. I don’t blame her, exactly. I mean, if she’da pulled the shit on me I pulled on her, I’da been outta control mental, I know that much. And then maybe she’d be the one up nights trying to figure things out. It didn’t work out that way, but I can see where she’s comin’ from with being, I dunno, suspicious.
But I don’t get why that would matter now. We’re not living together – her choice. We’re not really engaged anymore – her choice. We’re not really talking, even – her choice. So what the hell does she care if I’m seeing someone? Not that I am, well, Summer, maybe, but that was nothing, I don’t think that counts, I mean it’s not like I’ve moved her in or anything.
And fuck it, Siobhan? Shi’s been, like, a dream through all this. Man, even thinkin’ about it, it seems like light years ago, and it wasn’t even twelve HOURS ago. But look at her there, making me French toast. And she had to take me to the emergency, too. God, that was lucky she was here, because if she hadn’t been, and I’da been alone, I’da have to’ve called 911 and callin’ 911 around here is like, shit, why don’t I just call the newspapers and give an exclusive? I can see it: TROUBLED BACKSTREET BOY HURT IN SAVAGE FIGHT WITH FIANCÉE HE CHEATED ON.
That woulda brought so much shit down on my head, I don’t even wanna think about it. Instead, it’s all taken care of. Got stitches, and that sucks, but no one knows about it. I won’t have to give a press release about it. Juliette’s on top of all the other crap, because when I woke up the first time, and she wasn’t here, I phoned and got her ass up and workin’ on it. Decided then that I didn’t want Shi to havta deal with anymore of this. Last night was enough.
Look at this. Breakfast. And I get to do nothing for a coupla days but lay around here and, and, and whatever, hell, maybe I’LL sit out by the pool, too. Work on my tan. I don’t care. Not about anything today. Not even that my dogs have been ‘kidnapped’. Ah, Sarah’ll take care of ‘em. Or Roxanne will. And fuck her, too. I mean, I know that Sarah’s her daughter and all, but shit, could she just stay outta this? Could that be, like, a possibility that she just backs off and lets Sarah and me work this out, IF there’s somethin’ to work out?
Oh, who cares. It’s a nice day. I got French toast. Shi’s pouring me more coffee. Damn, she looks tired. I guess she is. Long night. She’s probably not used to, like, drama.
God, I hope she doesn’t quit, I will fuckin’ KILL Sarah if Shi quits.
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© 2003 Chandrah, Inc.
© 2003 (*> Baby Bird Productions, Inc.
