There’s something about Rene I don’t like. I haven’t had many dealings with him, but there’s something about someone so perfectly tailored, someone with a too ready smile, that bothers me. He reminds me of a Used Car salesman, which pretty much translates to a person who’s always trying to pull something off on everyone. I think he’s ‘pulling’ off something with Alex, but that’s none of my business. Only, it’s hard not to see it when they’re together.
So it was a contented Alex that handed me my pay stub for the week. Juliette simply deposits the money in my bank account. It’s easier that way, for everyone. They both remind me that on Thursday morning I’m taking Alex to the DMV, and afterward we’re going to meet someone named Grace, who is a lawyer.
I’m not looking forward to that. I don’t exactly know why. I suppose it’s that I’m satisfied with the way things have turned out for the time being. I don’t really need the money that Errol is sending me, I’m making enough, more than enough. And I don’t want to rock that boat, either. Not because I’m afraid of Errol, or afraid of anything he might do. I have no reason to believe that he’ll DO anything, it just seems like a lot of effort for so little return. In the back of my mind a tiny scenario has been playing itself out since the morning mail was opened, starring Errol and his new beloved, Doris Hanney. I’ve been wondering more what Doris Hanney’s reaction might be to a lawsuit. I’ve been imagining that she would not take it well. She’s not a warm person, although there must be something akin to ‘heat’ between her and Errol for the drama and upheaval they’ve both caused. But I could tell that she’s also ‘all business’, just from the way I was paid off to not make trouble. I imagine that some kind of legal action against Errol might be construed as trouble.
And I wonder about that lump sum in my savings account. Not large, but large enough. I’ve already augmented it from my starting salary, replacing anything that Tish and I spent on our traveling and adding to it when I get my pay stub. I wonder if Doris Hanney will want her money back. I wonder if she might not want Errol, what with any to do I might make. I wonder what this might do to the odd, tenuous relationship my daughter now has with her father.
I have time, though, I have two days to decide what I will ultimately do.
I only wish that Mr. M weren’t involved. I didn’t count on that part of this job, where private and personal things start to overlap. I suppose I DO know some things about him and his life that the average person might not know. So, in that respect, it’s not such a terrible thing for him to know about this small problem of mine. It’s just that this move, this job, everything that’s happened in recent months, all of my decisions, they’ve been based on this bid for independence I want to make.
I don’t want to be beholden to anyone. This lawyer, this favor, it FEELS like that.
I stop thinking for a moment and start working on preparations for supper. I’ve decided on fish. There are some wonderful slabs of tuna sitting in the fridge, which I was assured were ‘sushi’ grade. Only I’m not serving it raw. In fact, far from it. I’m going to marinate them in citrus and garlic, and then cook them until they’re done through, without a hint of pink. When they’re cooked that way the consistency is that of well done, but juicy, pork. Tish loves it. In fact it was the first type of fish that Tish ever ate. Not this quality, but not bad, either. I faked her out about it, she thought she was eating meat.
I’m faking out Mr. M.
I crush several cloves of garlic into a shallow dish, squeeze in lemon and lime juice from fresh lemons and limes, add a little olive oil, and then coat the fish with the entire mess before covering it with plastic wrap and putting it in the fridge. I might even cook this on the grill. That done, I start cleaning vegetables. It’s now that my head turns on again, like a misfiring switch is going off of its own accord.
Errol could make life very difficult for me if I put any pressure on him. I don’t think he was over fond of my idea to take Tish this far from Ohio, where it appears he will be staying put, although, now, with him not working, who knows. And I don’t really know if he cared that I moved Tish out to California or not, he never raised an objection, it’s just a feeling that I’m having now. I really don’t want him trying to change the custody arrangements we’ve made, although in my heart I doubt that he could, seeing as HE left US and not the other way around. My plan had been to send Tish back there for some of the summer.
That makes me think about camp. Tish and camp and Kim and Mickie.
I’m going to finish up with this meal preparation and pull out all that information, plus the schedule that Mick gave me, and see if I can’t make something work for the summer. It would be best to have those plans settled, and know how much of myself I’ll have left to devote to my child, and my job.
Summer squash and zucchini, steamed, then mixed with fresh, overripe tomatoes. Season with a little garlic, a hint of rosemary, and cook the whole mess down. Add capers if desired. I desire them. Tish and Mr. M can pick them out if they don’t care for them.
I put the mixture in a pot and into the fridge. While the fish is cooking, that can reduce. There’s some salad fixings premixed that I will dress. I have fresh French bread. We will dine outside again, because it is beautiful outside. Tish and I love this meal. Alex will grow to appreciate it, I’m sure. That thought makes me laugh out loud. Well, there’s frozen pizza in case of emergency, so I’m covered.
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
Dates; so many dates. It looks like Kim is going on a junket. One week here, two weeks there. August with family, then two more weeks of camp just before school starts again. I cross reference all the brochures, add up the prices, and I’m looking at about seven thousand dollars in fees, not including ‘necessities’ when all is said and done. For people who seem of modest means, Mickie and Dwayne most obviously are not.
I can’t do this. This would cost me two month’s pay, once all the incidentals were covered. I’d be working all summer just so she could be in camp. Maybe she would be happy with just one turn at one place. Kim will be attending three different camps.
The one that appeals to me most is one of the camps on Catalina. It’s a learning camp. Not only would Tish be having fun, and it looks like a blast, but she would also be taking some science courses. There are a lot of other activities, there and it’s for three weeks. It costs twenty-six hundred dollars. And there’s a Junior Camp there, too, which is only one week and would run me eight-hundred and seventy five dollars. Discounts for multiple sessions and early enrollment shave about fifteen percent off the price. I could do that. But the ‘specialty’ camp at the end of August? No. Twenty-six hundred and change for a selection of courses that seem out of the realm of reality. Besides, Tish it supposed to be with Errol in August, and I want her around some, too, particularly right before school so we can prepare and shop and just be together. I know it’s too soon to ask for any kind of time off, but I’ll work something out, even if it’s afternoons.
That leaves this one week of June ‘open’. There are two options, a traditional camp, and another Catalina Island camp. The one on Catalina is somewhat more inexpensive, and covers more days. It would add a little more than one thousand dollars to this proposition, and I’m torn.
I take all my notes and brochures and scoop them up in a heap, then light myself a cigarette. That this is bothering me at all is irritating. If nothing had changed, I would simply be staying home with Tish. No questions, no quandary. Instead, I’m worried about something that I don’t want to be worried about. I’m worried to see Tish’s reaction. I don’t want to disappoint her. No parent wants to disappoint their child. And she’s not spoiled, far from it, but this FEELS like I’m spoiling her by out-laying so much money to ‘entertain’ her for part of the summer.
On the other hand, I have this job. And although I’ve had the briefest of discussions with my boss about this, I am in agreement with him that it might not be good for Tish to be here all summer, hanging around the house. I can’t be watching her, and she can’t be underfoot.
I suppose that there are other alternatives to these camps. I’m sure there must be local programs, and tomorrow might be a good time to ferret some out and see.
But there’s this budding friendship with Kim, and I don’t want to ruin it.
Fuck.
I don’t say it out loud, but I’d like to. Heck, I’m alone here, out by the pool. The cleaning people are scrubbing, they couldn’t care less about me, or what I say.
“Fuck.” I just say it into the air.
“Holy shit, I guess you are human.”
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
Shi said fuck. This just tickles me to death. She didn’t hear me, ‘cause I came around the side of the house. Rene dropped me off, the meeting was a bust, too many no-shows, so we ditched it, went for a coffee, and I’m back early.
And Shi said fuck when she thought no one was listening. She’s turned real red, now, too.
“No one was supposed to hear that,” she says to me. She’s miffed.
“Yeah, I guess, but you know, I don’t care if ya say it,” I tell her.
“But I care,” she says, and she turns her head away from me. I hobble over to the table and sit down with her. All those pamphlets are out again. Camp. She’s not gonna send Tish, I get that feeling. It’s probably why she said ‘fuck’.
“I promise not to tell a soul,” I say.
“I know you won’t, I handle your food,” she reminds me.
I laugh.
“So, you’re back a little earlier than I expected.”
“Meeting was cancelled on account of boredom, and I just had a coffee with Rene and came home. Looks like you’re settlin’ on summer camps.” I pull out a cigarette.
“Almost.”
“So, where’s she goin.?” I light my cigarette and notice that Shi looks surprised at me. It’s not like it’s a big freakin’ secret.
“I’m not sure.”
“Sea Camp, or whatever the hell it’s called?”
“Probably.”
“Cool.”
“I have to work around dates and things. She’s got to visit her father some time this summer, too, so I don’t think she’ll be in camp in August. Which also saves us a bundle.”
“Oh.” Oh. Wow. I didn’t think about that. I knew she was divorced and all, but it never occured to me once that Tish would be seeing her father. In fact, that seems almost, you know, weird to me.
“Well, he’s her father.”
Shi says that like it means something. I guess it does, and, shit, I guess it should. But I wouldn’t know. The word ‘father’ never meant a lot around my house. It still doesn’t. I’m about to say something, but Tish comes into the yard and I think that maybe it’s better to keep my mouth shut.
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© 2003 Chandrah, Inc.
© 2003 (*> Baby Bird Productions, Inc.
