I’ve cleaned up the kitchen, turned down Alex’s bed, and I’m pretty much off for the evening. So I park myself down by the pool with a cup of coffee and watch the ocean. The sun is gone, but the sky is still a bit light. The days are getting longer. Not very long, but noticeably lighter as the evening progresses. I had to put on a sweatshirt tonight, though, there’s a chill on the breeze.
I wonder what I WILL talk to Errol about when I speak with him. I wonder what decisions I’ll make. I can hear Tish gabbing, just the sound of her voice, not what she’s saying. She sounds happy. She’s never expressed a lot of concern about being without her dad. I thought that there would have been more backlashes, more traumas, but there weren’t. It was almost too easy, that part of it. It made me look twice at the relationship she had with him, and to not think twice about moving away from being close to him. Well, Tish and my anger made me do that. My anger was pretty hot in the beginning, because no matter how many times I dreamed about leaving Errol, I never actually thought it would happen, or happen so quickly.
But that’s the past. This is now. I know that Errol was never much of a day-to-day father figure, he was too busy working, looking for work, or not working at all. He was always knee deep in some ‘thought’ that became a habitual barrier to any real closeness. I believe that he loves his daughter, but it’s like it’s in theory, not practice. He was never mean to her, helped her with homework questions, played with her, gave her his attention, but only when ASKED to. Never voluntarily.
This separation, it’s added another dimension to their relationship. Although Tish still has to be the one to call, Errol is definitely making the time to talk to her, and has never, not once, ignored a call from her. And when we were still living in Ohio, he saw her regularly, had her for weekends, even an occasional afternoon., but this phone contact has ‘cornered’ him into paying attention to her.
“Everything okay?”
I didn’t hear Alex coming up beside me, I didn’t even hear him coming down the path from the upper patio. He sits down on the lounge chair beside mine and lights a cigarette.
“Yes. Do you need something?” I ask.
“No, just thought I’d come down here and sit with you, and you looked, I dunno, out of it.”
“I was thinking.”
“Oh.”
I think he expects me to speak, to explain, to converse, but I don’t want to. Of course, I’m not taking HIM and his point of view into consideration, so I’m somewhat surprised that he begins talking to me.
“Did you get the camp shit all straightened out?”
I look at him from the corners of my eyes.
“Why, do YOU want to go?”
“Hell, sure, why not?” he says with a little cackle. “Looks like fun.”
“Well, I’ll sign you up then, but I’ll need your school transcripts and medical records.”
“Shit out of luck, then.” He offers me a cigarette, and I take it.
“Maybe they’ll make an exception,” I tell him. I put my hand out for his lighter, but he ignites it and leans over to light it for me. “Thank you.”
“Sure.” He takes a drag, exhales a long stream of smoke. “So, is it just the cash, or would you rather have Tish here with you this summer?”
Now I turn my head to look at him.
“Get to the point, why don’t you?”
“Is that it?” he asks, his voice carrying all the surprise I felt at his question.
“Partly. It’s going to be a quick summer. In Tish’s ideal world, school will end and camp will begin and go on and on until it’s time to go to Ohio. She'll go out there and then she’ll come back and school will begin again. She’ll be with her friends and having fun and that’s what’s on her mind. In MY world, though, I’m just seeing her as ‘gone’. She’ll be ‘gone’ soon enough.” I sigh. I don’t mean to, but this person has me thinking along lines I didn’t want to. “And the cash is a consideration.” I clutch onto the familiar, practical angle. It’s easier.
“Don’t worry about the cash,” he says.
“I’m not taking money from you.”
“Look, I’m not givin’ it to ya,” he says. “You’d haveta pay me back. Or work it off. Either way. But don’t make the bling bling the thing.”
“Can you translate that into English?”
“Don’t make money the bottom line.” He sounds quite serious, and I find it both touching and amusing. “I mean, if you’re having a hard time with, you know, havin’ her gone, that’s one thing, but money’s not a problem.” He takes another drag on his cigarette. “Whatever you’ve been doin’ around here has been savin’ me a lot, I’m not spendin’ anywhere near what I was. I talked about it with Juliette. I’m real happy with that, and so’s she,” he says, with a snort. “So just figure out what you’re doin’ and we’ll take it from there.”
“That’s...”
“Look, can I be up front with you?”
“Of course.”
“You’re doin’ a great job around here. I know it hasn’t been long, but it’s workin’, whatever you’re doin’. I really don’t want to see you leave this job ‘cause it doesn’t pay enough for you to send your kid to camp. She’s a sweet kid. A real sweetheart.” He turns to face me. The sky has become darker, but I can see his expression in the lights from the pool house. “I’m pretty happy with things right now. I think you’re okay with the job so far, too, right?”
I nod.
“I’m happy, you’re happy, ‘cause when you’re happy, I’M happy. It works. I don’t want this to get fucked up over summer camp.”
“I see.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“I mean, you want a longer contract, you got it. You need a new car, and by the way, you NEED a new car, you got it. Just keep doin’ what you’re doin’.”
“I don’t need a new car, I...”
“Your car’s a piece of shit. You driven it lately?”
“No, I...”
“I will bet you a thousand bucks, right now, that you can’t get the fucker to turn over.”
“I don’t have a thousand dollars.”
“I want you to have the thing towed tomorrow. Bill it to me. It’s an ugly ass thing and it’s bringin’ my property value down,” he says, and bursts out laughing.
“Then I’ll have no car.”
“Take the Jeep for now, we’ll work out the car. We’ll work it all out. I can fuckin’ deduct a car from my taxes. Business purposes.”
“I...”
“Oh, yeah, and when Tish goes to wherever it is she’s goin’, what, Ohio? Don’t buy a plane ticket, let Juliette take care of it.”
“Absolutely not...”
“Please, I got frequent flyer miles I can’t use. Enough to fly around the world first class like, three times, so it’s not a big deal.” He waves his hand.
“Do you do this for all your employees?” I ask him.
“Yup.” He’s dead serious. I can see it in his face, in the offhanded way he said it. I question him no further. I don’t want all this, these things, this attention. I’m uncomfortable with it. But I also don’t want to argue with this man. He’s ugly in an argument. I’m in no mood for ugly.
“I’ll try and remember, then.” I’ll leave it at that, because he won’t remember, I’m sure of it, and I can conveniently forget.
“Don’t worry, Juliette knows and she’ll remind you.”
Fuck. This time I only think it and don’t say it out loud.
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
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Shi is a stubborn one. Not in a bad way, but she sure don’t give in easy, if she gives in at all. I’ll be real surprised if that car is gone tomorrow. But I wasn’t exactly kidding about that, this city isn’t too understanding about having junked up vehicles around. And it’s a pile of crap.
I’ll get her something, or she can have the Jeep for real. Either way. I’d hate for her to be out somewhere in that beat up old car she’s got and have something go wrong. ‘Specially if she was doin’ something for me.
And she REALLY needs to let it go with this camp thing. How much can it cost? Coupla three, four, five thousand? For someplace as cool as some of those places are, and food and beds and junk, that’s a pretty good deal. I think it woulda been nice to have done that, at least once. Not that rock climbin’, sleepin’ in dirt shit, but that performing arts thing looked interesting, and the Sea Camp, with all the swimming, kids love that shit. I woulda loved it, I think. Yeah. It mighta been nice. Be with kids. Horse around. Be on my own. Not workin’. That would have been different.
I wonder if she COULD get me into that camp?
Well, summer’s not here yet, that’s months and months away. Maybe I’ll go somewhere, do somethin’. I don’t know, it’s too far ahead to think about. And I DO have all those frequent flyer miles, at least I think I still do, Sarah took a shit load of them and used them, for what, I don’t know. But there’s still plenty, I’m sure. At least using my flyer miles to send a kid to spend some time with their dad is better than lettin’ them lay there, or wastin’ them on someone who took them for granted.
Hell, I’m not thinkin’ about her tonight. It’s nice out here. Little cool, but that’s not bad.
“MOM, Dad wants to talk to you!” Tish yells from inside the pool house.
“Tell him I’ll speak with him on Thursday,” Shi says. “I have to go in,” she tells me.
“’Night, then.”
I watch her walk away. She closes the doors behind her, these big, glass, French door things, with lots of little panes on them. She pulls the curtains across them, too.
I get the picture.
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© 2003 Chandrah, Inc.
© 2003 (*> Baby Bird Productions, Inc.
