“Nick was sixteen.”
This seems to be very elaborate. They haven’t even gotten to the song yet. There’s a lot of ‘acting’ going on, and, and there’s a semi-familiar face.
“Wasn’t that the pimp from Starsky and Hutch?”
“Yeah. Antonio Fargas.”
“Yes, I remember him, oh, shh,” I tell myself. It looks like someone is going to sing. It looks like that someone is a werewolf. “Who’s that?” I whisper.
“That’s Brian.”
“And that vampire?”
“Howie.”
“Who is that guy supposed to be?”
“Kevin’s Dr. Jekyll.”
“And that’s you, oh, are you the Phantom?”
“Unhuh.”
I watch the rest in silence. There’s a lot going on, singing, dancing, ‘acting’; all sorts of things. It’s very impressive, even to my untrained eye. In fact, there’s so much going on I know that I’m missing things. Still, it’s very pretty in its way, even with the monster/haunted castle theme. I think that Alex looks very nice in his Phantom costume. In fact, he looks better like that than in the ‘street’ clothes he’s in for the ‘acting’ portion of the video. And I like the song. It’s catchy.
“I liked that,” I tell Alex. “Why did you pass by all the things before it?”
“Oh, that’s just a lotta crap about the costumes and...”
“Well let me see that, too.”
“No, it’s really boring and...”
“Alex, it might be boring for you, but I’ve never seen this sort of thing. I think it’s a bit fascinating. Start it from the beginning. Please.”
He says nothing, but he hits a few buttons on the remote control he has in his hand. The DVD starts from the beginning, and goes through credits and things of that nature and then, lo and behold, there’s Alex. And Alex is our tour guide for a behind the scenes glimpse of the making of this video.
“Oh, too cute,” I say, and he groans. He lights a cigarette, and I do, too. I think the entire concept of seeing what goes into the creation of something like this is a hoot. And they flash from boy to boy, so I see who is who, and what they have to say. Alex appears to have plenty to say, moving from scene to scene, babbling about this and that. He was very young, and very, very skinny. “Why’d you shave your head? I ask him.”
“It was the style, and it was easier for the make-up.”
“They’re certainly putting Brian through the paces with all that hair.”
“It took hours.”
“Looks like fun.”
“It was,” he says softly. Soft enough for me to turn my head and look at him. He’s slid far down in his seat, legs on the table in front of us, ashtray on his belly. His eyes are closed.
“Was this your first video?”
“No, we did a bunch before this. This was the first major ‘concept’ video.”
“And that Nick, he came up with the idea?”
“Yeah.”
“Not bad for a kid.”
Alex says nothing, so I continue to watch in silence as make-up is applied to everyone, and we watch the sets being built. It seems like a lot of work for something that only runs about five minutes or so. After that, it goes into the video again, and we watch it once more. Now I watch more closely.
“Why are you down in front in the dance part?”
“I’m the lead dancer.”
“Oh, well, la-di-da, no one told me you’re so versatile.” That gets a little laugh from him.
“That’s what I wanted to be, a dancer.”
“Really? Why did you change your mind?”
“I dunno, it was a good opportunity.”
Now we’re behind the scenes again, in a completely different video. This seems ‘newer’ in some ways. The five young men look older, different, but when I ask, Alex tells me that it was made not long after the other one. There’s the same chit-chat with the ‘stars’ and director. Even the choreographer. She has many nice things to say about Alex, and I look at him from the corners of my eyes, but his eyes are closed again.
Watching the dancing, I understand where the compliments come from. Alex moves like water, flowing from one step to the next. He makes it look effortless and seamless. I make note that even when they’re only watching their choreographer go through the steps, he’s the only one constantly moving with her.
“That’s lovely,” I say to myself.
“What is?” he asks. I didn’t even think he’d heard me.
“The way you move. You’re very good, I think.”
“Thank you.” He gives out a barking laugh. “I missed the session for this song, I don’t have a vocal on it.”
“But I thought you were singing it with that Brian guy?”
“He was goin’ over the harmonies, just so I’d know.”
“I thought you sang lower than that.”
“I do now. I guess I did, then, too my range is pretty good, damn, you’re really listenin’ aren’t you?” He gives me an odd stare, and I stare right back.
“I wouldn’t have asked to see this if I wasn’t going to pay attention to it. I honestly couldn’t tell who was singing what from just listening to the CD’s, although, I admit, I’ve only listened to them a few times.”
“Well, you’re hearin’ Nick and Brian on this one.” He sighs. Something about watching these videos is hitting a nerve with him. I’m ready to tell him that I’ve seen enough when he turns it off and gets up. “If you wanna hear singing, this is the DVD to watch,” he says, changing discs in the player.
“Are you sure you want to look at more of these?” I ask, because I think he’d rather not.
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“Yeah, it’s cool. This one is kinda different.” It’s not cool at all. Watchin’ these things is making me sad. Especially the older videos like “Everybody”, when we WERE havin’ a lot of fun and really enjoyed doin’ the work.
It’s not like that now. There’s no fun to videos, it’s more about how it’s gonna market and will anyone watch it and the five of us arguing over concepts. Brian’s turned into the world’s biggest tight ass about things, so there’s hardly ever any women in the videos anymore. Which just makes me wanna punch him, ‘cause he fuckin’ MARRIED one of the models in that last video we just watched. It was like, after he got his, fuck the rest of us. And Nick, he came up with a handful of the concepts we’ve done, so now he thinks he’s some fuckin’ video genius and pisses and moans any time we don’t wanna do what he has in mind. Howie’s always spazzin’ about how he looks, and Kevin thinks he’s goddamn Laurence Olivier. Me, I like videos, and I don’t mind if we act in ‘em or dance, or whatever, just, Jesus, it would be GREAT if we didn’t always pick the fuckin’ mid-tempos or ballads all the time.
This video I’m gonna show Shi, this one is real different. Just the five of us singing to a small audience; real intimate. And we all sound good. I look weird, but what else is new. Sometimes, when I’ve watched this stuff, I don’t know what I was thinkin’ when it came to hair, and, and just about anything you could imagine. So I look a kinda different in this video, hell, I look kinda different in EVERY video.
This one starts out with Kevin and Howie talkin’ about how we wanted to do this ‘unplugged’ kinda thing, and I zone out. Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I’m waitin’ on pins and needles, ‘cause I have the lead in the first song. ‘Who Do You Love’. Great. The camera was right up in my face. My teeth look fuckin’ enormous. So do my pores. I have crap skin. It was REAL bad back then. Better now, but it was rough then. And my nose, it’s huge. HUGE. God.
I peek over at Shi. She’s staring at the screen. Not even blinking. Can’t blame her, I’m a freak show. Shit, even Howie looked good in this video. And there I am being oh so different, and standin’ out like a, a, I don’t know what. Christ, woman, blink!
Brian’s up next, but, like, I’m right up front on the next song, too. I wonder if Shi recognizes the song, ‘cause this is the one I just told her I had no vocals on. I don’t, not on the studio recording. I was fucked up sick that day. Like, the only legitimate time I missed a session. I’ve missed ‘em since, but that was either a hangover that made it impossible for me to sing, or bein’ stoned outta my mind. But that day I was ILL.
Siobhan still ain’t blinking. I’d ask her what she’s thinking, but I’m afraid she’ll tell me.
Man, I’m all OVER this video. Why did I put this on? What is wrong with me?
I grope for my cigarettes and light up. This would be the perfect time to be stoned off my ass. Just let something swallow me up, so I wouldn’t keep noticing how great Brian sounds, or how fuckin’ cute Nick was. He was. Big and blond and every little girls wet dream. And Kevin, fuck, tall and dark and every BIG girls wet dream. I give up. Howie, who can be the biggest geek on the face of the earth, looks and sounds better than I do in this.
Perfect. ‘Lay Down Beside Me’, the ultimate ‘fuck me’ song, this is embarrassing, I can’t sit here.
“Be right back,” I say. I’ll just go to the kitchen and hide.
~~**~~**~~***~~**~~**~~
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Alex is embarrassed, and I don’t know why, but he’s gotten up and left the room and now I’m uncomfortable sitting here alone.
I turn off the DVD player, and remove the DVD. I’ve figured out how to do that much since I’ve put this room back in order about as many times as I first organized it. And I decide to take Alex up on his offer. I put it in its case, and help myself to it, and several other of the videos.
Now I know which voice he is. It’s the one that stood out. It’s the one that’s not smooth. It’s the one that has that something about it I think you need to listen to.
He’s sitting in the kitchen, alone, pretending he’s not avoiding me.
“It’s late. I’m going to borrow some of these, if you don’t mind.”
“No, I don’t mind,” he says. I can’t tell if he does or he doesn’t, so I’m taking him at his word.
“I’ll take care of the coffee pot in the morning,” I tell him, switching it off and turning off the timer, as well. I doubt he’ll be up that early in the morning.
“Sure.”
“Good night, Alex.”
“’Night.”
I can’t help myself. The new me takes over my mouth.
“May I say something personal?” All this time he’s been staring a hole in the counter top, rolling the tip of his cigarette in the ashtray. Now he raises his head.
“Sure.”
“I’m no aficionado, or critic, but this,” and I hold up the DVD cases, “this is too good to waste. You’re remarkable. You should get back to work, Alex. Soon.” He says nothing, doesn’t even move. I’ve probably said the wrong thing, and I’m sorry I said anything at all. “Thank you for letting me borrow these. ‘Night.”
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It’s a good thing she left. I don’t like to cry in front of people.
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© 2003 Chandrah, Inc.
© 2003 (*> Baby Bird Productions, Inc.
