Maybe he’s just been hidden here in his house for too long.
It doesn’t really matter, he’s sick as a dog and that’s that. The past two nights have been the only two where I’ve left the intercom on in the poolhouse. I wanted to be able to hear Alex if he needed something. It’s become clear to me how poor his set up is if he’s ill, with him alone in his house and me down at the poolhouse with Tish. I was tempted to call Juliette, to even call Rene, so that someone could be in the house proper. I even toyed with the idea of seeing if Tish could stay at Mickie’s so that I could stay with Alex. But then he slept most of Wednesday and complained most of yesterday, so it wasn’t serious and I didn’t need to resort to bringing in back up.
And I’ve held off calling David. I didn’t see any point to it Wednesday, Alex was too sick, and yesterday he still wasn’t well, although once the crankiness set in I figured he was on the mend. Now, today, he has no fever, but he’s still lolling around between the sofa in the den and his bed. He’s listless, a little crabby, and doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself.
I feel guilty leaving Alex here while I go out and have a drink with someone. I don’t know why. It’s not in the job description that I be here to do more than maintain the house and cook. Still, it seems very, very wrong for me to take off and leave Alex alone.
But I want to go.
I’ve been thinking about it since David called, when I’ve had a minute to think. I really would like to go somewhere and meet someone and just have a chat about something that doesn’t revolve around this house. Especially after being veritably trapped in it for three days.
I think Alex is well enough to be left here for a few hours. And Tish is with Kim, no surprise there, I’m thinking of making Mickie’s house her forwarding address.
I pick up the phone and dial the number to David’s office.
“Ravensdale speaking, may I help you?”
“David, it’s Siobhan.”
“Ah, I’d given up hope,” he says. His voice is like caramel in my ears.
“I’ve had a hectic week. Are you still interested in that drink?”
“Yes. Shall I come ‘round for you, or would you rather meet somewhere?”
“I’ll meet you. It’s more convenient. Where?”
“Geoffrey’s. It’s up the highway a bit, on the beach side. You can’t mistake it. I’ll meet you at the main entrance sometime around, oh, what’s good for you?”
“Any time after four-thirty.”
“Five?”
“Fine, I’ll see you then.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” he says. Caramel. I click off my cell phone and look at it as it rests in my hand. I can’t help but smile. I haven’t been flirted with, ever, at least not that I can ever recall. I think that David is flirting with me, and I like it.
“Going out?”
Alex is up and about. He looks pale and shaky, and I immediately rethink my plans. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.
“Yes,” my mouth says, negating my sudden change of heart. No, I’m not going to cancel unless Alex expressly tells me he needs me here. He just nods and sits at the table with me. “Drink with a friend.”
“G.. good,” he says, and he reaches for a cigarette.
“Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. Still, you know, like, lightheaded. Another night’s sleep and I should be better.” He lights his cigarette, takes a drag, coughs, and puts it out. “Maybe not,” he says.
“Are you hungry? Maybe a little soup? Toast?” I offer. He hasn’t eaten much of anything in the past two days and it’s time. Still, he grimaces. “Broth. You need to have something.”
“Okay, soup I guess.”
“Broth. And maybe a piece of toast. That’s why you feel lightheaded.” I get up and pull the consommé I made the night before out of the refrigerator, then put a piece of bread in the toaster. By the time the soup heats up in the microwave, the toast will be ready. Not the usual fare, but he’s not the usual customer today, either.
I feel Alex watching me. He does that a lot, just sits, and watches me cook, or clean. I didn’t know why he did that at first; I figured he was just making sure I was doing my job correctly. Now I know that he’s watching because he has no idea what he’s looking at. He knows nothing of cleaning and even less of cooking. The urge to hand him a broom or a sauce pan is often strong.
Not today. I feel bad just looking at him.
“When are you goin’?” he asks me.
“I’ll leave at four-thirty to take Tish to Kim’s.” I turn from looking into the microwave. “I won’t be late. I’ll have my cell phone if you need me.”
“I’m just gonna sleep,” he says. He yawns, then smiles a little bit. “You’ve been great about all this, Shi.”
“I, just do... Thank you, but you’re no trouble.”
“Ha!” That word comes out a sharp staccato.
“You’re not, Alex. You’re not half the trouble you think you are,” I tell him. The broth is warm, not hot, which is what I was aiming for. The toast pops up and I put it on a plate.
“You don’t know me very well,” he says.
“No, you’re right, I don’t,” I tell him. I put the bowl of broth in front of him along with the bread.
“Spoon?”
“Sip it from the bowl,” I instruct. “Long sips. But slow.”
“Yes ma’am.”
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The broth tastes good. I’m so empty I can feel it sliding right down to my stomach. Shi’s right, I have to take it slow or it might come back up, so I put the bowl back down and let it settle.
“Nice and easy,” she tells me. She’s got a little of the broth in a cup and is havin’ some herself while she sits and keeps me company. She’s been here the whole time, every minute she could. I was so out of it I didn’t even know that she had gone to the poolhouse to sleep at night. I even thought she was up here, checkin’ on me. I don’t know what hit me, but it hit me hard.
Now I just feel out of it. I’m still sorta dazed with the fever.
This would have been real bad if Shi hadn’t a been here. I’m sure I coulda dug up Rene or Juliette, but, damn.
“Is Juliette comin’ by?” Thinkin’ about her I remember it’s Friday.
“Yes, and the cleaning people. I scrubbed out your room and bathroom, though, so they won’t be in there. You can hide out until they’re gone.”
“Could you call Juliette and tell her ‘not today’?” I ask. I’m just not up for it. The bills can be late, or wait, or whatever, I don’t care. Not today.
“Sure.”
“Call her cell, she’s probably not in her office.” I pick up the bowl and take another long sip. Just the effort of doin’ this is makin’ me tired all over again. I feel like I’ve been sleepin’ my life away. I yawn again.
“I’ll take care of it. Finish this up and get back into bed,” she tells me.
“’Kay.” I’m not gonna argue with her. I’m too tired to do that. Or to even be real upset that she’s goin’ out tonight. I remembered she was. Hell, she’s allowed, it’s not like she has to be here all the time, or that she even had to do the things for me she’s done the past few days.
I just wish she wasn’t goin’.
That’s the honest truth. I wish she was gonna stay here tonight, and if Tish is out, that she would stay up here in the house. Even if she just sat in the den with me and watched the tube. She doesn’t have to talk or anything. Just be near. I’m not afraid to be alone, it’s not even that I feel so crappy. It’s that I want her close to me.
May is NOT gonna work out. I don’t think I can make myself stay away. She says she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t. I want her to. Simple as that. And she ain’t gonna get to know me if I’m not here.
I have to go to Florida. Have to. I committed to something that I can’t back out of, that I wouldn’t think of backing out of. And it’s all around Mother’s Day, so I’m gonna spend time with my mom. I didn’t last year and that was wrong. Part of the problems we’ve been havin’. So I’ll go to Florida for about a week or so, maybe ten days. But then I’m comin’ back. I might, MAYBE do one of the four day weekend golf things. The rest of it, forget it. None of it’s important.
This is important.
‘Cause if Shi can’t get to know me, how the hell is she supposed to even like me?
And I want to get to know her, too. More. Better. More better. As much as I can, because I like her already; I can only like her more.
“Eat, honey,” she says. I know she doesn’t realize that she’s called me ‘honey’. She does it to Tish all the time. ‘Eat, honey’, ‘do your homework, honey’, ‘give me a hug, honey’. I watch her. I listen.
Right now I obey. I lift the bowl to my mouth again, let the soup slip into me and fill up the empty space in my belly. I even gnaw on the toast a little, which I hate ‘cause it’s dry and I don’t like dry toast. I’d probably eat poison if she put it to me right. ‘Eat poison, honey’. Cool.
“I can’t eat any more,” I tell her. It’s the truth, I’m done for now.
“There’s plenty in the fridge if you want some and I’m out,” she tells me. “Just pop it in the microwave for a minute and a half.”
“’Kay.”
“Would you like something to drink? Some juice?”
“Sure.” I don’t care. Just stay with me a little longer. She pours me a glass of orange-tangerine juice and I sip it. Shi smiles, puts two Tylenol in front of me, and a few other pills I need to take. I smile back, swallow the pills, and finish the juice.
“Go upstairs. I’ll call Juliette and cancel today.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll check on you before I go,” she tells me. “And I’ll check on you when I get back.”
“Promise?” Damn it. Damn my mouth, why the hell did I say that? I’m sick and pathetic to begin with, now I just sound like a spoiled little kid.
“Promise,” she says, though, and she doesn’t seem to mind that I asked it. She doesn’t even seem to mind that I’m sick and pathetic, cause she smiles at me as I leave the room. It would all be cool, too, if she just wasn’t goin’ out.
But she is, and I can’t do a damn thing about it, so I might as well sleep, ‘cause that’s about the only time I don’t miss her.
Pathetic.
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© 2003 Chandrah, Inc.
© 2003 (*> Baby Bird Productions, Inc.
